The first elementary school I went to sucked scholastically. At least as far as the achievement of the children in it goes, the teachers weren’t bad. I got really good grades and consistently tested 2 to 3 grade levels above where I was. I transferred to a significantly better school and got a reality check since every kid in there was smart, but I was still able to be good enough to achieve average in that group of really smart kids. I never studied for anything in life…instead I paid very close attention in class and took mental notes. The only class that truly kicked my ass was geometry, oddly enough, the one class all my friends did amazingly well in. That failure was likely a result of it being right after lunch and my teacher being a clown with a monotone voice. That’s the only class I’ve ever fallen asleep in, of all the classes I’ve taken in my life. I did fall asleep on the ACT too, but it was super boring. All that to say, it takes a lot to confuse me if I actively try to figure something out. 

I’ve tried figuring out the stance and beliefs of the Trans community. Often, I find myself looking at videos about Trans people, likely due to the YouTube algorithm latching on to my research for an earlier post. I have legitimately tried to get educated on this topic, but I’ve researched so many other things that my feed should be random by now. I stumbled across a video in my YouTube feed of a person with makeup, long hair, a beard looking on in annoyance at a guy with a beard. The title of the video was Matt Walsh vs. Addison Rose…and I somehow figured “you know what, I have time for this”. Which led me down a rabbit hole of learning about “Theybies” and the difference between Gender and Sex in the opinion of Trans people and so on.  

Stereotype Driven?

So, in my experience, men and women have never been classified as such because of what they wear, enjoy doing, how they think or feel. Gender was always related to the reproductive equipment, regardless of future ability or desire to reproduce with it. I’m not a lawyer, but I would not be able to argue in favor of the position of Trans people on what makes one a man or woman. I can’t really argue against it either because it always boils down to one’s feelings. However, when those feelings are tidally locked to stereotypes, the argument breaks down immediately. Too many people defend being Trans with enjoyment of doing things that are stereotypically viewed as roles of the opposite gender. Women that like working on cars, watching sports, and drinking beer are considered masculine, whereas men that like cooking and wearing heels are considered feminine. What about the women that don’t like wearing heels or don’t enjoy cooking, but do enjoy wearing makeup and sex with other women? Do these characteristics make them less of a woman? 

I think, therefore I am

Rene Descartes

So Where’s the Middle Ground?

Instead of redefining what already is, begin to define what isn’t. It’s quite obvious that Trans Women and Trans Men are not the same as Men and Women respectively. If they were, there would be no reason to define Man or Woman in the first place. They wouldn’t be able to feel like something other than what they are because those two terms wouldn’t be there to generically label them. The problem is those two terms exist and have so existed for thousands of years. However, the idea of a third or fourth gender is not insane at all. Some Native American cultures actually break it down where there are four, all described by the energy characteristics and biological sex. Feminine female, feminine male, masculine female, masculine male. In practice, the Trans community is made up of Feminine males and Masculine females, that believe the feminine or masculine descriptions are more defining than the male and female component. 

I’d go on a limb here and say we can push for a 5^th and 6^th which would be harder still to define. They are the folks that deem themselves non-binary because of their desire to be ambidextrous with their identity. Of the very few people that I’ve known like this, they realistically fall into either the Masculine Female or Feminine Male categories, but don’t want to define themselves, so for their sake, they’d be Neutral Female or Neutral Male…until they act on something binary at least. 

Biased Maybe…

Even with that level of outside understanding, there is the desire to be included in all aspects of societal living. Bathrooms are designed based on sex/gender…not gender identity, and that’s perfectly fine in my opinion and the opinions of janitors across the land. If a Trans Man goes up to a urinal, the outcome can be messy. If a Trans Woman goes into the lady’s room, it can potentially be alarming to the women inside. Quite obviously because identifying as such doesn’t mean one will convincingly present as such. So how can we as a society be inclusive of the .4% of Trans people without alienating the 99.6% of so called “Cis” gendered people? To what degree should the 99.6% modify behavior and daily life to accommodate the feelings of the .4%? Also, what exactly are the elements of society that need to be altered? 

I’d argue that the .4% should create universally accepted and defined gender pronouns specific to those sex/gender identities. In addition to that, those same people should be less sensitive to people getting it wrong, because quite honestly, it’s not always obvious and it would be absolutely ridiculous to just walk around with our gender pronouns of choice on a tag. And really, the main cause of concern is among Trans Women. Visibly, they are less likely to come across as feminine females, they have physiological advantages over women more often than not, and the process of transitioning is physically more demanding on them. That’s a lot to endure to still be called he/him. I could be oversimplifying this, but a few brand-new words would make more sense than convincing the 99.6% to utilize familiar words to describe the unfamiliar. The worst-case scenario is you are so convincing someone calls you by what you are presenting as anyway. In regard to where one relieves themselves in public places, every restroom has a toilet, and in my experience, they don’t have genital monitors in them so go with what fits.

Putting Feelings Aside

I think we as a society are losing ourselves in trying to separate and individually wrap every idea, feeling and emotion. It is virtually impossible to keep up with, or accurately assume what someone feels just by looking at them. It also should not be the responsibility of anyone else to affirm what another person feels, especially if it negates or nullifies their own feelings. With cancel culture being combined with high levels of sensitivity and entitlement, people are trying to force the masses into the boxes of the few…unsuccessfully so I might add. Regardless of the solution, it will take time to implement and become normal. However, as things are at this very moment, we are not working towards a solution at all; just more division and vitriol.