I was having a conversation during the 2016 Presidential election cycle with a mixed group of people…guys women, youngish, older, none of them attractive to me. However, in this conversation I tended to side with the women on a lot of the points being made. One of the guys said I was playing it safe and I said “no, I’d consider myself a male feminist of sorts” to which he asked “do you even have balls”. I have never been one to believe that strength on one side translates to weakness on the opposing side, simply because we are on opposing sides. For example, saying and believing Black Lives Matter, does not mean I believe the lives of other races don’t. I have always, at least as far back as I can recall, been a believer in context. So in my opinion, and by rational thought, a male can indeed be a feminist without hating himself or belittling himself. A sentiment racists and misogynists struggle with in their respective opinion spheres.
In that discussion, the women praised my forward thinking left and right…I would’ve won all of their votes if I were a politician, until I said men should have the right to choose as well. Immediately the guys agreed, and women said I was full of shit. The women came down hard on me for seemingly showing support for dead beat dads, and so on. I knew my audience; they were mostly single moms or divorced moms. At the time, I wasn’t saying it for shock value though, I just thought it was a fair idea. Eventually, I just let it go, but the idea made sense to me and still does.
Does Fair Matter?
It wasn’t odd to me that these women clung to that double standard given the situations they were in, but at no point were they willing to consider my rationale. Over the years, I’ve been told by women that they couldn’t get pregnant. I have friends and family members that were told the same, only to find out the woman was pregnant. In some cases trying to trap the guy, in others just because they thought they were trapping a good one, only to find out it was an illusion. Luckily, I was never trapped or caught up in that. I asked then, if a woman tells a guy she can’t get pregnant they have sex and she does, why should that man, who doesn’t want a kid and had no intentions on having a kid with her, have to pay child support? They all cited personal responsibility. I followed up with, if you got pregnant by one of your exes that you know isn’t worth a quarter, would you get an abortion? Unanimously they said yes. So I asked, why then, can’t a man have a right to choose?
Not Taken Lightly
The basis of the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not an easy one to make. I fully believe women should have the right to make that decision with or without a man’s input…it’s her body. However, upon finding out the woman is pregnant, I believe the man should be able to express his decision to support her choice or not. I believe, if that were the case, there would be fewer trappings and celebrity paternity scandals if women knew they couldn’t use the baby as leverage for income or security. I could guarantee if men had the right to support, there would be far fewer “oops babies” and paternity suits.
There are limits to my liberal train of thought on this matter, but it certainly starts with the right to support. Maybe my idea would make sex more formal, but for people with sense, it’ll make a difference. For “high value” guys that women would otherwise seek to trap, going in they could let the woman know “I will not be willing to support a kid if we have an accidental pregnancy”. For the woman, she would then be able to say, “well I don’t want to have sex” and he can breathe easy knowing he dodged a gold digger, and she can breathe easy knowing she didn’t go through all of that for nothing. If the man says I won’t support but changes his tune when she takes sex off the table, then I believe he’s on the hook, and this should be documented some kind of way. I know several slick guys that would do it anyway and claim they said no…those are the real deadbeats. If you claim you won’t support, but then she has the kid and you get her pregnant again, I think you should be on the hook for both kids, because at that point you’re just taking up residency in her vagina without paying rent. Squatting in a sense.
It would also partially benefit the right-wing morons that want to ban abortion. If women are required to fully support children when the dad opts out, many, not all, will be more likely to be diligent about birth control, safer sex, and their own finances in these matters. At every income level there is a woman that believes a kid is her ticket to financial freedom, or securing a relationship with a man that would otherwise be a rolling stone. Under this new rule, the woman would be required to let the father know before the end of the first trimester. He would have 7 days to determine his support or lack thereof. That sort of uncertainty for the women that think of children as security chips would lead to them being more on top of prevention, which would lead to fewer abortions and fewer kids in general. Although I believe the right-wing agenda is to force more White women to have babies with White men, at very least this, to some degree would save some of those same politicians from being publicly blasted for their one-night stands with their housekeepers and such.
All things considered; I am not advocating for more deadbeat dads; I am advocating for fairness in this right to choose conversation. Guys are visual creatures; we like pretty things and pretty people, and some women take advantage of this fact. The way that our justice system is set up, men don’t have any worthwhile input for the conversation. If a woman believes at 19 years old, having a baby with Chad, the immature lacrosse playing 2-minute man is detrimental to her life; in several states she can remedy that mistake. However, if she is impregnated by Marcus, the 5 star NBA recruit with endorsement deals waiting, that kid is her ticket to laziness and dependency if she so desires, because our laws on the matter are still very much grounded in patriarchal beliefs. The feminists who say “down with the patriarchy” should agree with me, but in my experience to date, they think I’m an asshole for thinking this, and I may be, but I have yet to hear a sound reason for why I am (regarding this argument at least). For this double standard, I’m team guys of course.
Lemme know in the comments if you feel I’m on the wrong side of the argument…I can take it.
As usual I approve… After breaking up with my kids’ dad… I didn’t file for support until I had a job… Other women thought I was insane… However fair is fair.
Yes, I absolutely agreement that men should have a right to choose! I have always been an advocate for men’s rights and believe that there should be some sort of contractual agreement between two consensual adults in place. I have seen a lot in my lifetime and yes it is true, fair is fair!