Let Me Borrow That

I was talking to my sister one day about a wide variety of topics. We always discuss how we’re feeling, what’s new in general and what we have planned. When we were kids we fought and all of that, as one would expect, but as adults we are really cool. We’re almost like therapists for each other when stuff ain’t right, and happy ears when stuff is. She’s a person I would say has her stuff together so I casually observe some of the things that she does to keep things that way. Honestly, I observe this in everyone I know, at least the ones that have their stuff together.

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I think it’s cool to adopt things that work for others if they also work for me upon trying them. We aren’t all built the same so what brings joy or success will always vary from person to person, but there are generic similarities, trends if you will, that I think these folks demonstrate to maintain their sanity in this crazy world. I figured I’d highlight some of these things because I personally have taken all of their ingredients at some point and incorporated them into my life. I didn’t keep all of them, not even all the ones I like. However, I’ll touch on the ones that I live by. 

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“When your spirit is strained and you’re limited to change, the lyrics in your limericks will change”

Lupe Fiasco, Glory
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Mind Your Business

Already that sounds passive aggressive, but I don’t mean it like that. Well I kinda do. So we all know people that seem to have the tea on everyone. You see them somewhere and more often than not, they’re telling you about what someone else did, is doing, and it’s rarely ever anything positive. These folks are necessary to maintain balance, but the folks thriving are usually oblivious to most of this stuff. They don’t have a whole lot of time or energy to waste on worrying about what such and such is doing with so and so. Minding ones business is as simple as hearing or seeing something and going on with your life if it has no bearing on you or the ones you love. This goes for celebrity gossip all the way to Sunday gossip, just focus on your growth. 

Take a few moments

I have a friend that is similar to me in a lot of ways. One thing is we’re both introverts, so we truly enjoy a few moments of not having to deal with other humans. For me, I am in my happy place when I can get a cool hour or 2 of not having to deal with any other humans at all. I wake up early as hell to do it, but that gets done every day. She’s more realistic so she’s good with 30 minutes. Either way, I think introverts and extroverts can benefit from a few minutes alone to gather ones peace.

Don’t assume the worst

Look, I hear people misunderstanding intentions ALL THE TIME and it baffles me. Look, there are a lot of communication quirks, but most people aren’t trying to play you when you speak just for the sake of pissing you off. I’m not saying they always have good intentions, but typically folks aren’t talking to you just to piss you off. Assume the person is not a great communicator before assuming they’re targeting you with negativity…and learn the difference for the ones that do target you with negativity. Comprehension is probably the biggest problem in America. Not sure why people seek disrespect, but it’s not healthy. If you are one of those people, this is an excellent time to incorporate “let me think this through” before reacting to what you perceive is a slight.

Set it off right

In addition to waking up early and existing without people for a bit, I try to do something I enjoy to start off each morning before I dive into obligations. Some days I work out, some days I read, some days I get up and play playstation, some days I wake up and walk the dog. Either way, do something you enjoy or that is good for you before getting ready for work or scrolling through IG for 30 minutes while your legs fall asleep on the toilet.

“Social media made y’all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.”

Mike Tyson
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Avoid spite

It happens sometimes where we do something foul to someone because that person did something foul to us. Avoid that as much as possible. I used to work with this lady that never spoke to me despite me being nice to her every day. I’d say good morning and she’d look at me like I critiqued her shoes and typically said nothing to me. I held the door open for her one morning and as we’re walking to the elevator I dropped my badge. She got on the elevator and looked me directly in the eyes as the doors closed on me. I had a “wow, that was cold blooded” moment, but I never let her nonsense throw me off. It’s not in my character to be rude for no reason, but I’m a work in progress when it comes to not reflecting energy. It’s hard not to sometimes, but I never really feel better for doing it.

Consume positivity

My aunt Barbara was one of the sweetest people this world has ever seen. In all of my conversations with her, they started and/or ended with a smile. Despite whatever known, or unknown troubles she was going through, she always remained positive and that has always been inspiring to me. It wasn’t the toxic positivity either, it was genuine “I simply appreciate the experience of life” positivity.  

The saying “you are what you eat” applies to energy as well. If you take in a lot of garbage, it’s gonna be rather hard to give out anything besides garbage. What you select as “food for the soul” is important. If you spend your entire day consuming confirmation bias, negative opinion pieces, and the fake lives portrayed on social media, you aren’t going to be a beacon of positivity for certain. It’s ok to consume these things in moderation, but if it’s not helping you achieve a goal or helping you grow, it’s a negative impact on your energy.

To keep in line with health terms, consuming that stuff is like empty calories. If you go to your favorite restaurant, order a healthy meal and you wash it down with a sugary drink, you just negated the health benefits of said meal. Those are empty calories that aren’t going to provide nourishment at all. Every now and then, perfectly fine…but every day, not so much.

We get it

I’m sure by now it’s a feeling of “yeah, we get it Dr. Phil”, I understand. Sometimes you have to drive a point home. That said, if you want the best version of you, understand you have to work on it intentionally to achieve it. It’s not easy, it’s not a “I was good on Tuesday, I can afford to do whatever on Wednesday” type of thing. Incorporate healthy habits to begin your day, something positive throughout the day, and end the day with something that pleases you. No matter what nonsense you face, if you do that everyday, you’ll be living on your own terms and that’s a cool feeling.

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