Use Me Up

Cuffing season just ended so y’all know what time it is. I won’t lie, when I was single this was my favorites time of year. Several years ago when I was on the dating scene, I was approached by an attractive woman in a bookstore. I was reading and she was just making conversation or flirting. I’ll go with the latter seeing as I know the outcome of all this, but it wasn’t obvious at the time. We talked about book choices, other interests and eventually that led to me buying chai latte’s before exchanging information to meet again. We met up on a Saturday, nothing fancy, just some wings and cool conversation. We met up again, but this time she invited me to a spot I never heard of. The food was forgettable, but she disappeared into the restroom when the check came. I paid, but cataloged that moment for future reference. We went out for breakfast and as fate would have it, she forgot her wallet in the car. It was in that moment that I realized I was dating a buy-sexual.

Despite the fun activities, I never returned a call after that day at breakfast. I get it, I’m a relatively nice guy, and regardless of the fragrance, nice guys smell like a come up to buy sexuals. However, I’m from Chicago and there’s a sense of pride that comes with that. Yet there I was, being used as a meal plan for a brief while. Sure, some guys want to flaunt their money and treat women to stuff no matter what, I didn’t have money like that in those days. Plus, guys become foodie calls when they’re constantly copping meals and never copping feels. Meanwhile, she has the trusty old, tried and true hobo-sexual waiting at home to knock the bottom out of her other natural needs. I don’t knock the hustle, but I don’t participate in it either.

C’mon man “Buy-sexual and Hobo-sexual”

To be fair, these folks were formerly known as freeloaders, but that doesn’t really sound cool to me. There was a survey done by the NY Post that stated 33% of women surveyed had at some point engaged in the date for a meal play. The survey doesn’t go into how much they were willing to give for the meal, but they identified the meal being the primary objective. They’re only there for what you will buy them. I get that sometimes the old players mess the game up for the young guys because they have the cash to play. I knew this older dude that paid for vacations just so he could have sex with these young women that he was old enough to parent. Call me a hater, but he was a lame to me. 

Likewise, I know guys with little to nothing going for them, wasting the valuable time of women that are going places and making major moves in life. Those guys are hobo-sexuals. They are basically a few bad back strokes away from being homeless. I know guys like this, and their women unanimously hold them down. They may say it’s because they believe he’s one move away from being the man they dream about. Yeah, OK! While that may sound cool for a Tyler Perry flick, the reality is, they are usually in a state of hypnosis caused by the pleasure received from the consistently proper movement by the phallus attached to their partner, scientifically known as dickmatized, or dicknosis.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself”  


Women Rule!

Women are moving up the socio-economic ladder and in a lot of cases are the breadwinners of their households. We aren’t in the 1950’s anymore, women are holding it down and I salute the ladies holding it down. Historically speaking guys would go to war for the woman they loved, that pretty much did nothing, better believe they’re moving some furniture to keep their breadwinner winning. That said, ladies, you’re in the driver’s seat with the buy sexual lifestyle and in preventing the hobo’s. If you are using dudes for shoes, food and accessories, you’re messing up good guys for the women that have good sense. Some men that have obviously low opinions of women are basing it on their experience with a few of the buy-sexuals they’ve encountered. Not that it’s your responsibility or concern to do what’s right by people you don’t know, it would just be cool if you thought further than your superficial wants. 

Ladies, you are also in the driver’s seat with the hobos. Kudos to those that stand by their guy as he tries to figure life out. However, if you are on the extended wait for their potential to shine because that phallus game is on point, you’re wasting your cuffing years on a pipe dream, no pun intended. Show that man the door. If his mixtape or book idea is as dope as you think it is, he’ll land upright. Keep playing though and it’s only a matter of time before the stagnation of your partner begins pulling you in the wrong direction financially, emotionally, physically, professionally or a combination thereof. Frustration and dissatisfaction are the leading causes of women cheating on their guy regardless of how good his phallus game is. Don’t toss a guy out solely because he hasn’t reached his potential, but don’t keep him just because he’s laying pipe well either.

Advice no one asked for

I’m no relationship guru, but there are some basic wants and needs that are usually pretty standard for us good ones. Most guys want a productive woman that doesn’t need to be supported, also known as high maintenance. High maintenance goes beyond material stuff too, but that’s for a later discussion. Usually, if a guy is looking to support you out the gate, he has control issues. Good guys want women that believe in themselves, that they have something in common with, and who bring more to the table than snug orifices and good looks. We like snug orifices and good looks too, just saying that ain’t enough to keep a guy. At the same time ladies, don’t hold on to dead weight just because it’s consistently there. Seeing as dead weight never goes anywhere that you don’t take it.  Also, don’t go on a date that you can’t afford, some guys aren’t as nice as me. 

For the guys, depending on your age range and where you live, the bar is likely pretty damn low these days. If you are dating women above the age of 34, the world is yours as long as you have good sense and are doing something positive with your life. That is a low bar to meet and a lot of guys are still struggling with that. Guys have to recognize that this 35 to 50 age range is probably the sweet spot for women professionally, sexually, and socially. That’s the upside, however, the con is they don’t have a lot of time to play with you. Frustration with longwinded, stagnant relationships comes far sooner between that 34 and 50 range, so unlike your mornings scrolling through IG, you have to shit or get off the pot with these ladies. In short, bring more than your genitals and jokes, be proactive and productive in life, and you’ll be alright in these streets. Trust me, I know.

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